I'm Coming Out!

So last year at the end of July, I came out.  Many of you were shocked. Many of you made fun of me. Many of you said that I would never be able to accept the change I made for myself in the long term. On the other hand, many of you and the same many of you accepted me and my change. Some of you said “Whatever floats your boat!”  Some of you were happy for me. Some of you said I was brave! And, most of you didn’t care at all to be honest!  Yes, if you don’t know by now…. I went NATURAL (gasp!). I know this may be hard to process, especially if you are African-American woman with a relaxer. I cut off all of my hair except 4 inches of nappy new growth and said “Hello World!, I am going to be nappy and free from now on!” True story. This happened. Last July. And. I. Am. Happy. SO HAPPY!! I really am. I feel so much better about my hair and myself. I wish I was kidding because it’s sad that I had to go this route to feel this way. When I went natural…I just let go. I Relaxed, I Related, and I Released all of the pressure, the negativity, and the misconceptions about myself and my God-given features.

Here is what I looked like before I big chopped my hair:

Here is what I looked like after I big chopped my hair:

I decided to go natural for one reason and one reason only. I was sick of my hair. Sick of it. SO SICK OF IT. I can’t even begin to explain how fed up and how much I hated my hair. It was not cute. I didn’t like anything about it. To be fair... this wasn’t always the case. I cannot say I’ve always been a fan of my hair, but I didn’t start actually hating (such a strong word!) my hair until about 3 years ago. Before then, I was happy getting relaxers, blow drying, flat ironing, and even weaving my hair.  I did everything to make it look straight, calm, put together, and controlled because there was just no way, (I mean no way!) I could go too long with a little bit of new growth. On the other hand, I’ve always wanted my hair to grow. It never did. When I was younger around 5-7 years old I did have long hair. I also didn’t have a relaxer. Here is a picture of what I looked like when I was 6 years old (above).

Why did I get a relaxer you ask? One weekend my mother went to an all women’s Christian conference, and she left me and my two older sisters home with our dad. He had no idea what to do with our hair, so he took us to a beauty salon. That was first time I received a relaxer.  This very persuasive black woman named Toni put it in… I think it’s crazy that my sister’s and I still remember her name. Talk about a life changing moment! I was either 7 or 8 years old at the time. And, believe me I LOVED my hair. It was long and “bouncing and behaving” as my late Grandma Gertie would say. It was awesome. And, it was awesome for a while till it wasn’t awesome anymore and the fight for healthy hair became a daily battle. Breakage, thinning, lifeless, brittle, bone straight hair.  It didn’t necessarily look the way; I am probably painting this picture. My hair was cute. It was. I only noticed the damage when I washing or styling my hair.  The short little pieces of hair that fell and collected on my upper shoulders, floor, and bathroom counter when I was styling my hair said everything I was trying to deny. I did manage to keep it looking nice for the most part, but it was severely broken off, damaged and unhealthy.  

Look at those ends! 

Part of the reason, I experienced this was because I probably did not take care of my hair the way I should have. There were probably many many things I could have done to prevent the breakage, thinning, and damage. I rarely did deep conditions, hot oil treatments, and I washed and blow dried my hair probably too often or not enough. I don't know. I probably should have went to the salon more often. My sister Briana actually is having a lot of recent success with her relaxers and her hair. She has found something that I never did. 

I tried many different methods for trying to grow my hair out including braids, and weaves. I never truly saw a lot of growth with braids. We would always get them in the summer, so it was easier to swim and that’s about it. I hated putting them in and taking them out. It would take like 6 hours each time! However, I did see a lot of growth with weaves. In fact I wore a weave for one and a half years during my last two years of college, and my hair did actually grow significantly. I didn't like putting weaves in and taking them out either, which is primary reason I stopped getting them.

With Weave:

Right After Weave: 

Once, I decided to take the weave out for good, I tried to go without a relaxer for as long as I could, but eventually got another one. And, then the battle began all over again. I also noticed that I was cutting my brittle ends with every relaxer and before I knew it my hair was up to my ears.  I had been playing with the idea of going natural during the year after I took out my weave, but I wasn’t serious. I watched many YouTube videos, and tried to transition into natural hair twice! Each time resulted in a failed attempt and me reaching for the creamy crack (relaxer). Two of those failed attempts had to do with major events that were happening at that time. One being my sister Briana’s wedding. I really didn’t want to look bad during her wedding or mess up the pictures. Honestly, that’s why I put a relaxer back in my hair. The other event was my birthday….not much to say there. Honestly, it wasn’t actually a major event either.... I just wanted to look cute, and I didn’t feel like I could ever actually really and truly go natural. 

Before my last relaxer: 

 This is my boy friend Donald. He love my hair! At least that's what he says. ;-) I think he is happy with whatever makes me happy, and that ultimately makes me happy. 

Before my birthday that year I received my last relaxer in September of 2010. Although, I didn't know it at the time. I decided it would be my last when I saw the new growth creeping up about 8 weeks later. I thought …here is my chance! I can try one more time!!  It was then I had finally convinced myself that this was going to work.  And no one (not even myself) was going to stop me. My family still didn’t believe me, but they were supportive in my decision. I have to say I was not the greatest person while transitioning. Transitioning is hard!! I didn’t like it at all. I mean at all. I had two textures, it took forever to wash, blow dry and flat iron. And, the styles I tried via YouTube (twists outs, braid out, bantu knots) looked nice, but a little off because I still had my relaxed ends. 

I honestly couldn’t even talk about my hair without getting defensive and arguing. And, then one day my two older sisters Jessica and Briana and I were at my sister Jessica's house getting ready for a party. I was complaining  about my hair as usual. When Briana suddenly said, “If you’re going to do it, just do it…and shut up about it. What are you waiting for???” They were tired of hearing me complain. And, I was tired of hearing myself complain.  I originally wanted to transition for a year, but after the hard truth I received in Jessica’s bathroom I knew I had to Big Chop soon. Like really soon. Like the next day. And, I did.

Here is what I look like now 6 months post relaxer:

Wow, this is a LONG BLOG POST!! I originally wanted to tell my natural hair story to share a homemade natural shea hair butter and lotion recipe, but I think I will save that for part two! My natural hair is the reason I began loving all natural homemade beauty products in the first place, so I wanted to give a little background. I think I might have given a little too much…